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The 2 R's

One year my son received a handmade dinosaur birthday card. Each member of our family had their name twisted into a that of a new reptile species. There was a Josephasaurus, a Michaelotops, and a Ashleraptor. There was also, "The most terrible and wonderful dinosaur of all, the fantastic Daddysthaboss!"

In our family, Daddy (with his trusty assistant, mom) is the boss, and it is apparent even to those who send us birthday cards. We love our children, and because we love them, we require them to show respect and obedience to their parents and other adults in their lives. In today's permissive society, this is a concept that is sometimes frowned upon by psychologists and educators alike. For our family, however, it works. It will work for yours, too!"

Our family recently visited the Arc de Triomphe. We had heard that there was a sheer drop from the top, with nothing to prevent a little boy from falling over. One of our children was quite worried about this, but when we got there, we discovered that we had been misinformed; there was indeed a barrier. Joseph was immensely relieved, and walked confidently up to the edge and peered down. He wanted the barrier, because it made him feel safe. In the same way, children need boundaries in their life. !"

These boundaries reassure children that they are cared for, and that they are kept from dangerous situations.These boundaries will differ from family to family, but they must be clearly defined, along with the consequences for infractions. When our children were small, we had very simple rules, which I wrote down. I now laugh hysterically at many of the rules, which are listed below, but they were quite important in establishing respect for authority.We also had set consequences.

• When we hit someone, we get time out.
• When we pitch a fit, we go to the fit chair. (We had a special soft chair in the living room where the children could scream their heart out, but out of view of the rest of the family. Without the audience, the tantrums were usually short.)
• If we leave our toys down, we lose them.
• If we tattle, mom gets mad. (I never could think of a good consequence for this one.)

Make a list, save a copy for your later amusement, and lay down your household rules for your kids. Decide what is most important, and don't list too many things. Just remember that the most important rule is to show respect. This is the principle that drives the others.

In his wonderful book, Parent Power, John Rosemond compares parenthood to a benevolent dictatorship. Please don't forgo the benevolence when teaching your children to respect. It is important to realize the difference between willful defiance and genuine forgetfulness or immaturity. It is okay to occasionally show mercy. Flexibility is a must, because situations change, and so do children.

Respect is the foundation of good character, and when the day is done, character is what matters most. Your may child forget his homework, lose his gym clothes, and give his lunch money to the librarian. She might even put the ketchup in the medicine cabinet. But if he has good character, whether as a corporate CEO or a cashier at McDonalds, he will be a success in life.